My daughter graduates Friday. After graduation, my entire family is leaving for the beach for the weekend. My parents, two sisters and their families and us.
Last night I get a call from Mr. Misery (he is on the road a lot) saying he isn't coming with us. He has too much "work". I was disappointed, but understood since we are still trying to catch up from what we lost when we decided not to move.
He went further on to say that he is also working to save money for us to take a trip to Bush Gardens while my kids are away (my ex is taking them to the Bahamas). I was REALLY excited until he mentioned that we would be taking his children too.
Before you think I am a total bitch for not wanting his kids there, let me explain.
We have had ZERO time together for about 6 months now. I really think that we need it. Its very hard when you are constantly dealing with ex's, kids and money to have any type of relationship. Everything is stressful. So, a few days ALONE together, talking, and just being a couple seems to be LONG over-due.
We chose to not move and to look for something around here about two weeks ago. Since that time, we have not had two minutes to discuss our choice, or to make future plans. Its been non-stop kids and ex's since that time so this trip would be a great time to "talk".
I am so torn. I feel like a horrible, selfish person for just wanting some of his time. Mentally, and relationship wise, I don't even know if I am up to dealing with the kids on a trip. I feel like we are just strangers anymore. With all that has been going on lately, all the stress of the house decision, I think it would be an optimal time for Mr. Misery and I to re-kindle OUR relationship and get back on the right track. For us, being away from the house and kids for a few days refreshes us and gives us an entirely new perspective on life.
I tried to explain this to him, over the phone, and it did nothing but dredge up a bunch of garbage and arguing that left me crying until all hours.
I just want time with him. Nothing more. Why does it always come down to an arguement?
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5 comments:
You should not feel horrible about wanting time with your husband! You need it. That is a fact. We all get so wrapped in everything else going on that we forget about eachother (husband & wife). Can you talk to him about how you are feeling without it escalating?
Perhaps he is feeling that you both need the time with his kids, as his son and yours have been having some difficulties lately. Look on the bright side--it may give you a chance to bond a bit with his kids. You won't feel bad for yours, as they are off having a ton of fun. He might be feeling a bit guilty because he gets to spend more time with yours than with his.
Blending these families into one is probably the most difficult and rewarding thing you will ever do.
I'm not saying that you don't need time with your husband, alone; of course you do. But, it won't work if he's pining for his kids the whole time.
If it were me, I'd let this one ride for now, as he is resistant to the idea. When another opportunity comes up for the two of you, you can always say, "Hey! I was nice the last time. Now it's my turn."
Thanks for the fresh perspective Ronni! I think I will take your advice. I sure wish I knew about this blogging thing years ago! Its helped tremendously! And again, congrats on your award-winning blog!!
I hope you have FUN whatever way it turns out.
Thanks, Misery!
Pick your battles.
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