Should we do it?
We have been met with nothing but negatives since we decided to purchase a new home 45 minutes from our current home.
45 Minutes from Mr. Misery's children and 45 minutes from my ex.
I am a firm believer that if you get a lot of resistance when trying to do something, maybe its not quite the right thing to do.
The house is beautiful, the area is beautiful, but we've been where we are our entire lives. I will still be working in this area and cannot even imagine the cost of gas just going to and from work.
I want it so bad. A BRAND NEW home. But is it worth it?
Not only will I be driving back and forth at least 45 minutes a day, I then have to meet with my ex for his visitation. Right now, I meet him 10 minutes down the road.
Maybe now is not the time.
Wednesday, May 28, 2008
Tuesday, May 27, 2008
Just one big happy family right? WRONG.
This Memorial Day weekend sucked.
My son and Mr. Misery's son got in a terrible argument and my son ran off. He only ran to the corner, so he was okay. And honestly, I was proud that rather than continue arguing, he "walked it off".
Mr. Misery's daughter walked around the house Saturday night crying and sulking because NOW she says she WANTS to live with us, but her mother will not allow it.
My neice was visiting as well. She is 9. She became so distraught by all of the drama that she called her mother, my sister, and said she wanted to go home. Who could blame her? I wanted to go with her!
My nerves were shot by 10:00 pm Saturday night. So Sunday arrives, a new day. Mr. Misery had mentioned earlier in the week that there is a birthday party for his brother today.
Now, EVERY TIME my son goes to my brother-in-law's home, he is yelled at. EVERY TIME. In March we attended a party for my mother-in-law. ALL of the children sat outside, bored I guess, and proceeded to toss juice bags all over the place. YES. THIS WAS WRONG TO DO. I do NOT disagree.
But WHO was singled out and yelled at by my brother-in-law? My son. He was seated in a chair, in the middle of a room full of people. Mr. Misery's son was being yelled at too, but my son, being the OLDEST, "should have known better or should have told an adult". In my opinion, calling me aside and having me deal with my own child and my step son would have been much more appropriate, but that didn't happen. I told my son to get up and come outside. We sat out there for a while. I got an "I'm sorry BUT"...........from my brother-in-law. Look at it from my sons point of view, the extended family of Mr. Misery are still pretty much strangers to him. I was embarassed and so was he. I only see these people MAYBE once a year.
Understand, I have no issue with my child being corrected, but this was the last straw as it is a constant whenever we visit my brother-in-law. Also, the humilation he had to endure was unfair and all the while, the other kids were snickering at him getting yelled at, knowing they were just as guilty, but got away with it.
After that party, I told Mr. Misery my son would not be in my brother-in-law's home again.
So, when I was informed of this party on Sunday, I asked my ex if he would take my son for the day. I would go, but I did not want my son to go. Naturally, my ex had "other plans". So, I decided to let Mr. Misery go and I would stay home with my son. Sounds fair, right? I would not have had a good time anyway because I would have been on edge the entire time.
And for what its worth, this NEVER happens to my son anywhere but at my brother-in-law's home. If he is anywhere else, I am constantly told what a great kid he is.
So Mr. Misery stompped out of her angrily and now he isn't speaking to ME!
WTF?
My thought is they could all have a great time without that "hell on wheels" son of mine, so why be angry at me?
Mr. Misery tells me "I took care of it" meaning he spoke with his brother......okay......but what about my son? Or ME?
The last I heard from my brother-in-law when I said I wouldn't be attending anything else at his home with my son was "I'm sorry Misery feels that way". So, its clear, in my opionion, it didn't really matter either way so why be mad if we are not there?
I want my son treated by Mr. Misery's family the way my family treats HIS children, with love and acceptance.
I guess we will just always be outsiders. Even to Mr. Misery.
My son and Mr. Misery's son got in a terrible argument and my son ran off. He only ran to the corner, so he was okay. And honestly, I was proud that rather than continue arguing, he "walked it off".
Mr. Misery's daughter walked around the house Saturday night crying and sulking because NOW she says she WANTS to live with us, but her mother will not allow it.
My neice was visiting as well. She is 9. She became so distraught by all of the drama that she called her mother, my sister, and said she wanted to go home. Who could blame her? I wanted to go with her!
My nerves were shot by 10:00 pm Saturday night. So Sunday arrives, a new day. Mr. Misery had mentioned earlier in the week that there is a birthday party for his brother today.
Now, EVERY TIME my son goes to my brother-in-law's home, he is yelled at. EVERY TIME. In March we attended a party for my mother-in-law. ALL of the children sat outside, bored I guess, and proceeded to toss juice bags all over the place. YES. THIS WAS WRONG TO DO. I do NOT disagree.
But WHO was singled out and yelled at by my brother-in-law? My son. He was seated in a chair, in the middle of a room full of people. Mr. Misery's son was being yelled at too, but my son, being the OLDEST, "should have known better or should have told an adult". In my opinion, calling me aside and having me deal with my own child and my step son would have been much more appropriate, but that didn't happen. I told my son to get up and come outside. We sat out there for a while. I got an "I'm sorry BUT"...........from my brother-in-law. Look at it from my sons point of view, the extended family of Mr. Misery are still pretty much strangers to him. I was embarassed and so was he. I only see these people MAYBE once a year.
Understand, I have no issue with my child being corrected, but this was the last straw as it is a constant whenever we visit my brother-in-law. Also, the humilation he had to endure was unfair and all the while, the other kids were snickering at him getting yelled at, knowing they were just as guilty, but got away with it.
After that party, I told Mr. Misery my son would not be in my brother-in-law's home again.
So, when I was informed of this party on Sunday, I asked my ex if he would take my son for the day. I would go, but I did not want my son to go. Naturally, my ex had "other plans". So, I decided to let Mr. Misery go and I would stay home with my son. Sounds fair, right? I would not have had a good time anyway because I would have been on edge the entire time.
And for what its worth, this NEVER happens to my son anywhere but at my brother-in-law's home. If he is anywhere else, I am constantly told what a great kid he is.
So Mr. Misery stompped out of her angrily and now he isn't speaking to ME!
WTF?
My thought is they could all have a great time without that "hell on wheels" son of mine, so why be angry at me?
Mr. Misery tells me "I took care of it" meaning he spoke with his brother......okay......but what about my son? Or ME?
The last I heard from my brother-in-law when I said I wouldn't be attending anything else at his home with my son was "I'm sorry Misery feels that way". So, its clear, in my opionion, it didn't really matter either way so why be mad if we are not there?
I want my son treated by Mr. Misery's family the way my family treats HIS children, with love and acceptance.
I guess we will just always be outsiders. Even to Mr. Misery.
Friday, May 23, 2008
What happened?
My son plays in the Jazz Band at his middle school.
Wednesday night was his concert. Of course I went. He father also showed, without his girlfriend and Mr. Misery was not available either.
It was just the two of us.
We are, for the most part, friends. He pizzes me off a lot as you see from my posts, but honestly, we do okay.
We sat together at the concert watching our beautiful wonderful talented son, both of us so obviously proud.
I started to cry.
What happened?
I wasn't crying over my ex, I was crying over all the hopes and dreams we had, all the fun we had, all the firsts we had, the wonderful children we have and what really tore me up was how happy our son was to see, just us, at his concert. He didn't have to feel pulled in any direction.
I just wonder if its normal to feel sad like that. Mr. Misery says that he feels it a lot too. All of your expectations are destroyed and life is nothing like what you envisioned. That makes sense. I never expected to be divorced, nor did Mr. Misery.
I thank my lucky stars that he came into my life. My children love him and he and my ex get along fine. It makes life easier on the kids thats for sure, but what about us? We are so worried about the children all the time that I wonder if we neglect ourselves and all of our feelings so much that it all comes crashing down in one big emotional storm like it did for me Wednesday night.
Wednesday night was his concert. Of course I went. He father also showed, without his girlfriend and Mr. Misery was not available either.
It was just the two of us.
We are, for the most part, friends. He pizzes me off a lot as you see from my posts, but honestly, we do okay.
We sat together at the concert watching our beautiful wonderful talented son, both of us so obviously proud.
I started to cry.
What happened?
I wasn't crying over my ex, I was crying over all the hopes and dreams we had, all the fun we had, all the firsts we had, the wonderful children we have and what really tore me up was how happy our son was to see, just us, at his concert. He didn't have to feel pulled in any direction.
I just wonder if its normal to feel sad like that. Mr. Misery says that he feels it a lot too. All of your expectations are destroyed and life is nothing like what you envisioned. That makes sense. I never expected to be divorced, nor did Mr. Misery.
I thank my lucky stars that he came into my life. My children love him and he and my ex get along fine. It makes life easier on the kids thats for sure, but what about us? We are so worried about the children all the time that I wonder if we neglect ourselves and all of our feelings so much that it all comes crashing down in one big emotional storm like it did for me Wednesday night.
Thursday, May 22, 2008
Am I jealous?
Mr. Misery called me today.
The Hydra decided to answer one of his calls.
He said all the while he was on the phone with her she was huffing and puffing, all out of breath.
He asked her why she was so short of breath. She explained that since she isn't working, she doesn't want to lay around the house all day and get fat, so she is walking 10 miles a day.
It was a beautiful day today. I was stuck in the office, WORKING. It was a beautiful evening as well, I was working at job #2.
Why am I working so much? To assist with our bills. Mr. Misery has a large chunk deducted from his pay to support the Hydra. We'd never survive on his income alone.
I love to hike. Its been ages since I have had the time.
The Hydra decided to answer one of his calls.
He said all the while he was on the phone with her she was huffing and puffing, all out of breath.
He asked her why she was so short of breath. She explained that since she isn't working, she doesn't want to lay around the house all day and get fat, so she is walking 10 miles a day.
It was a beautiful day today. I was stuck in the office, WORKING. It was a beautiful evening as well, I was working at job #2.
Why am I working so much? To assist with our bills. Mr. Misery has a large chunk deducted from his pay to support the Hydra. We'd never survive on his income alone.
I love to hike. Its been ages since I have had the time.
Tuesday, May 20, 2008
"You are not the man for the job"
My heart breaks for Mr. Misery. He wants nothing more than to be a part of his children's lives. He feels, at this time, his son needs his father.
The Hydra agrees with Mr. Misery, their son needs a man in his life. But, the Hydra hissed, "you are not the man for the job".
How can this be fair? Who is she to decide this?
Apparently she is heavily interviewing men for the position. She is on number three (that we know of) within the past 3 months.
Mr. Misery has had zero phone contact with his own children for weeks now. This is amazing when you consider the only phone they have is a cell phone that Mr. Misery pays for for his daughter. The reason he pays for it? To be able to reach his children! The Hydra has taken the phone as her own and dictates usage ignoring any calls from Mr. Misery.
I think we have given up. Its apparent that unless you have a boatload of money, vampires like the Hydra can suck the life out of all they touch and you have no recourse.
The Hydra agrees with Mr. Misery, their son needs a man in his life. But, the Hydra hissed, "you are not the man for the job".
How can this be fair? Who is she to decide this?
Apparently she is heavily interviewing men for the position. She is on number three (that we know of) within the past 3 months.
Mr. Misery has had zero phone contact with his own children for weeks now. This is amazing when you consider the only phone they have is a cell phone that Mr. Misery pays for for his daughter. The reason he pays for it? To be able to reach his children! The Hydra has taken the phone as her own and dictates usage ignoring any calls from Mr. Misery.
I think we have given up. Its apparent that unless you have a boatload of money, vampires like the Hydra can suck the life out of all they touch and you have no recourse.
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