I miss my sister

Okay, she only lives 10 minutes away, but she has RSD which puts her down for up to a month at a time. Thats why I treasure my times with her so much. (I miss my other sis too! But I get to talk with her everyday so don't feel left out Aim!!)

As I noted in a previous post, we all went to the beach after my daughter's graduation and had such a great time. Unfortunately, that seemed to aggrivate her disease and she has been out of commission since then.

Sometimes, I think I should just pack it in, and move in with her, or move closer. I know she has a great hubby and wonderful daughter, but I worry like a mother hen about her. I'd probably drive her insane anyway!!

Its very hard watching someone that you played with since you were born unable to get out of bed.

As kids, we'd take our "Barbie Beach Bus" to the creek behind our childhood home and pretend our Barbies were at the beach for hours on end. We'd build dams to swim in, catch frogs to scare our mom and as we got older, I convinced her to "sneak out" at night with me and the other neighborhood kids. This was insurance that she wouldn't "tell" on me! She never told either. Even when she was "clothes lined" she lied to my parents and said she fell out of bed!

We did everything together. As we got older, we went to night clubs together, lived together, and just had fun. She introduced me to my ex husband.

We drifted apart after her first marriage ended and her second began. There were issues between both of my sisters and my parents (they were "shacking up") and I stood by my parents (not in their belief's, just because they had no one else but me). My parents have since changed their views about "shacking up" since they found out being so staunch in their beliefs cost them much time with their children and grandchildren.

When my divorce began, I went to my sister first. Despite any issues we had, she came, within minutes. She was there with me the entire time. Those first few months of sending my kids off with their dad, I'd go stay with her because I couldn't stand being in the empty house alone.

I went through a horribly mixed up time after my divorce. She never judged me and still jokes about it. I thank god that she and my other sister were the only people who knew what a mess I was during that time!

I love you!!

Will I ever be settled?

Sometimes, I feel like my life is in a constant state of "waiting".

I feel like I am not really living. Is this normal? I can't believe that it is. Everything seems temporary, like we are on the verge of crossing the next hurdle all the time. Once that hurdle is crossed, another comes that seems even harder to get over.

My needs are simple. I want to clear my debt and have some sort of life. I work and work and work and the debt never seems to decrease. The current state of the economy isn't helping.

Now, its not like I am sitting around broke all the time, I just assumed by my age, I'd be in a better place.

Aren't the men supposed to suffer financial hardship after divorce? In my case, I feel as though I am the one picking up all of the pieces. The ex found himself a gal with $$ so he has no issues. HE is living. HE is traveling. HE is able to give the kids the things.

I am struggling constantly. I always feel like the bad guy with the kids because I can't "do" for them like dad does.

I know everyone struggles. I didn't mind it so much when I was younger. I just didn't expect to STILL be strapped.

I realize I was a fool and didn't have a very good divorce lawyer since I was stuck with much of the debt. Plus, that "nice" part of me came out and I really didn't want to rake the ex over the coals.

Mr. Misery has two kids of his own to pay support to so he is working 60 - 70 hours a week to support them and to get us ahead. It just seems like it never ends.

So, here comes summer again. We can't even plan a vacation as it will just undo all that we have accomplished. In the meantime, everyone around us seems to be traveling here and there and having a life.

Maybe I am just having a "pity party" for myself today??

It should be better tomorrow, right??

What happened to "us"?

My daughter graduates Friday. After graduation, my entire family is leaving for the beach for the weekend. My parents, two sisters and their families and us.

Last night I get a call from Mr. Misery (he is on the road a lot) saying he isn't coming with us. He has too much "work". I was disappointed, but understood since we are still trying to catch up from what we lost when we decided not to move.

He went further on to say that he is also working to save money for us to take a trip to Bush Gardens while my kids are away (my ex is taking them to the Bahamas). I was REALLY excited until he mentioned that we would be taking his children too.

Before you think I am a total bitch for not wanting his kids there, let me explain.

We have had ZERO time together for about 6 months now. I really think that we need it. Its very hard when you are constantly dealing with ex's, kids and money to have any type of relationship. Everything is stressful. So, a few days ALONE together, talking, and just being a couple seems to be LONG over-due.

We chose to not move and to look for something around here about two weeks ago. Since that time, we have not had two minutes to discuss our choice, or to make future plans. Its been non-stop kids and ex's since that time so this trip would be a great time to "talk".

I am so torn. I feel like a horrible, selfish person for just wanting some of his time. Mentally, and relationship wise, I don't even know if I am up to dealing with the kids on a trip. I feel like we are just strangers anymore. With all that has been going on lately, all the stress of the house decision, I think it would be an optimal time for Mr. Misery and I to re-kindle OUR relationship and get back on the right track. For us, being away from the house and kids for a few days refreshes us and gives us an entirely new perspective on life.

I tried to explain this to him, over the phone, and it did nothing but dredge up a bunch of garbage and arguing that left me crying until all hours.

I just want time with him. Nothing more. Why does it always come down to an arguement?

A Day with My Sister-should I feel guilty???

My sister is an avid and awesome gardner. Since we are renting the house we are currently in, I don't want to invest much in lanscaping, but I love gardening and planting too so we decided today that I would come over and she would dig up some things for me to plant here.

So, we spent the day digging, going to the nursery and just hanging out. So peaceful!!

Mr. Misery took all the kids swimming. I had the ENTIRE day with just my sis.

I feel so relaxed and loved........and a little guilty for leaving Mr. Misery with all the kids!!!

He even took them CLOTHES SHOPPING!!! Now THAT is a BRAVE man!!